both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
