if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
