He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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