i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
