first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
