I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
