This is not my ceiling
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
