They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
