Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
