Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
