hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
