Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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