My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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