She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
