You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
