walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
