Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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