his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
