eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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