She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
