Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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