the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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