My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
