HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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