You made me cry and you don't even care
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
