WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
