If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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