I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
they call him Oral-B. enough said
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
