WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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