Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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