i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Such a big mess for such a small penis
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
