i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
