Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
