oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
