I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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