I hate all girls vehemently.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We are two peas in an std pod
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
