Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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