1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
