can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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