toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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