I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
