Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
