she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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