Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
