what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
