YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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