great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
