Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize
