the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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