The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
