FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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