Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
