I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
