I think scott just propositioned me for sex
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
