we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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