We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
