The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
